Harry Potter is better if you change the word “wand” to “willy” each time you read it.

• “Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”
• “A magic willy… this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.”
• “Yes, yes. I thought I’d be seeing you soon. Harry Potter.” It wasn’t a question. “You have your mother’s eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first willy. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice willy for charm work. Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany willy. Eleven inches.”
• Ron struggled for a moment before managing to extract his willy from his trousers. “It’s no wonder I can’t get it out, Hermione, you packed my old jeans, they’re tight!” “Oh, I’m so sorry,” hissed Hermione, and Harry heard her mutter a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his willy instead.
• “Harry rubbed his willy feverishly until white sparks shot out of the end, which earned him a disapproving look from Fleur.”
• “Both Sirius and Snape lowered their willies… the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses… “But what’s going on?” asked Mr. Weasley. “Nothing, Arthur,” said Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he had just run a long distance.”
• “Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we?” said Snape smoothly. “Willy out, Potter.”
• Draco’s sleek, black willy. Identical to his father’s willy as far as Harry could remember.”